Last week my wife and I attended a ‘Welcome Party’. You guessed it right! The party was organized to celebrate the birth of a child, a girl, to be specific. The chief hostess had invited a number of relatives, though other guests such as her neighbors and colleagues of her husband were also present.
Twenty minutes into the party, we were mobbed by
distant cousins who were delighted to see us after decades. Our laughter shook
the ceiling and tears of joy accompanied by boisterous thumping of the back
made ours the most happening corner of the hall. Wow! Those little girls and
boys of yesteryears were now proud parents of high school going children, they
had their own house and cars, and were holding responsible positions in reputed
organizations.
I was rudely brought to my senses when a lady in our
group suddenly gyrated backward and spilled my chilled beer on a chair. Unconcerned,
she continued her loud reminiscence while I tried to wipe the offending liquid
with a napkin and a sheepish smile.
I looked around. A group of nattily dressed men and
women on a neighboring table were enjoying their drink while holding a conversation.
It was impossible to hear what they were saying: thanks to the cumulative
effects of the cacophony of our group, my falling auditory perception, and their
low tone.
I was impressed. While our animated discussions and
cross-talks challenged the dividing line between normal conversation and
shouts, that group was so considerate about the comfort level of all present!
I don’t wish to label our group as lacking in manners
or social etiquettes—we were overjoyed to see each-other and were honest in expressing
our feelings without applying any filter. However, the difference between the
two groups made me wonder about the secrets of earning respect at social
gatherings.
Dress
A senior had once advised, “It is better to be
overdressed than otherwise.” Dress sensibly and suitably. You would say, “Isn’t
that elementary?” It is, but we often lose sight of it. Last month I saw a
heavily made up woman in designer clothes at the condolence meeting for her
mother-in-law. While you may not give a second thought to it, your dress,
accessories, and make up can distract people and harm your image. Who knows,
your sunglasses, the T-shirt with a slogan, the ripped jeans, the cleavage-exposing
top, the Bermuda shorts, the ornaments, etc., may make you appear less capable
between the ears than you really are. Similarly, chappal, sandals, or sneakers at a place demanding formal leather
shoes, white socks on black trousers and blue shoes, bats in the nostrils, dirt
under nails, and yellow teeth may not endear you to a person who is still
almost a stranger.
Introducing a Person
Don’t barge in to introduce a person when people are
engaged in a discussion. Introduce the junior person to the senior one, and add
something that facilitates polite chat. For example, “Uncle Raghav, meet my
friend Shiv Agnihotri. He is a fantastic billiards player. Shiv, uncle Raghav
Behl was a celebrity host on television.” Drop this rule only if the younger
person is a VIP.
Shaking Hands
Don’t offer to shake hands with women, unless they
make the first move. Your hand should be dry and grip should be firm. The
handshake should only be done with one hand and must not last beyond a few
seconds. Look into the eyes of the person and smile when you shake hands. Don’t
try to hug strangers.
Showing Respect
Your body language and communication must convey
consideration, respect, and honesty. Be polite, but don’t overdo it—there is a
difference between obsequiousness and courtesy. Don’t stand too close to
another person and don’t pat them in camaraderie. Even if you have difficulty
in accepting or liking a person, let that not affect your good behavior. Don’t
sit down if a woman on your table is still standing.
Holding Conversation
Be a good
listener, don’t start a debate even if you don’t agree with a guest’s
viewpoint, avoid slangs and expletives, use simple language, and don’t crack
obscene jokes. Avoid religion and politics, and don’t ask personal questions
such as the price of their house, their income, the status of their home, the
underlying reason behind their illness, etc. Encourage two-way communication
even if you have a wealth of experience and a bank of amusing anecdotes. Open
expressions of dislike may make others dislike you, and your cursing the
bearers and the boss may distance you from decency. Jokes about women should be
shunned and ladies at the gathering must be addressed with respect. Remember to
move around; sticking around with familiar people has its drawbacks. Keep your
hands out of the pockets and away from your hips when you speak.
General
Behavior
While using a
door, keep it open if the next person to enter is close by.
Don’t slump
or slouch in your chair.
Don’t look
through people as if they don’t exist. Acknowledge them with a smile or a
gentle nod.
Overstuffing
your plate or mouth reflect greediness. Don’t speak with food in the mouth, and
don’t gesticulate with that soiled fork, spoon, or knife. Start eating after
everyone in your group has been served. At a buffet, eat only after returning
to your table.
While transparency
of intentions and thoughts is generally appreciated, you would be stretching
the concept too far by openly engaging in picking your nose, belching, yawning,
sneezing, coughing, etc. If you must, use your hand, handkerchief, and 'excuse
me' to reduce the impact of the grotesque act. Even if you are the president of
a superpower, try not to vitiate the atmosphere by releasing intestinal gas
from the other end. Go to the toilet, and remember to properly flush and cover
the commode after use.
Calling a Stranger
Drop that
“Oye,” “Aee”, “Hey,” “Beauty,” “Darling,” etc., and use “Miss,” “Ms.,” “Sir,”
instead. It is best to learn the person’s name and use it appropriately.
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